Wednesday's coming.

Yes...before you tell me, that was an attempted play on the famous song by Lynrd Skynrd. I can also see you groaning you rear off. But, please do bear with me. Or, beer.

Ok, dude...! I'll stop!

Yet another Valentine's day looms around the corner as Hutch (Vodafone owns it now) tries to get to me to take advantage of their Value-added services(VAS) and send either roses or play a song for my loved one. Tell him/her, (Hutch does not believe in discriminating based on sexual preference) how much I love them.

Thing is that I do not have sufficient balance to take advantage of all these nifty offers. Who wouldn't want to send flowers sitting in boring math class to one's girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/whatever???


Sigh...I am also single. It is a record! 21 consecutive Valentine's day.

/*takes a bow*/

Of terrorism, credits and orange snow.

I was leafing through the newspaper today afternoon in the company of Tarun and Kiran. There was something about suspected Jaish-e-Mohammed militants being apprehended on the first pages. The jokers that we are, we went on a trip about why these buggers kept getting caught so often.

Now any sane college student who has a fair knowledge of current affairs and is not given to alcohol excesses would have said, "Why...our intelligence agencies are getting better. India shining...India poised!" Don't get me wrong, I love my country and all that, but I am given to being politically incorrect, irreverent and normally insane.

I figured that probably these militant buggers are getting bad at their stuff. They must be short on bakras up there to do terrorism, so the honchos out there in those camps decided to use solid marketing to sell the idea.

I am pretty sure they know what 'Friends' is and they probably fantasize about being on 'Big Brother'. It's like call-me-colored-all-you-want-but-watch-out-for-the-AK47. Which means that capitalism is out there making people spend more and want more. Think about it -

"Bored of the same old routine cruise or ski trip? Want some real action? It's dirt cheap...Jaish-School of Terrorism offers short term three-month courses in sabotage and fanaticism. Hurry limited seats only! Full meals and welcome chai included. We also have a water hole and desert for real-simulation."

Which hot-blooded beer-bellied forty-plus man wouldn't be interested in this? College kids would go crazy about it. Women would be salivating over the thought of getting rid of the guys and hitting all the party-spots in town without the fear of being leeched at.

Now, three months is only so much time. You can learn to run without tripping over, learn to cook up a bomb that fits you, riddle people with bullets and how to hold your piss during crucial missions. Obviously, this is much too less time to learn how to not make yourself conspicuous. It sure must take a lot of effort to keep from wearing the class t-shirt that they give away for free. Or hide the AK-47. I mean, not everyone gets to tot an AK-47 around - at least not if you are not a militant, in the armed forces or Sanjay Dutt. And plus, the referral program is hard to resist - ten-free days during the next holiday. You need to talk to people to get them interested.

The odd-intelligence guy who is traveling by train or bus sitting next to one of these dudes would have heard something and the rest is...well...you know...

In another interesting piece of news, there was apparently orange snowfall in some town in Russia. I am sure the place must look pretty gay by now. Reports said that this was due to the iron content in the snow being four times higher than normal. Authorities have advised people not to touch it or feed it to their animals...!!!! WTF???!!!

And as people are getting out their brightest pink, greens and reds to blend in with the current color scheme, the government is wondering whether it was the Nuclear Power Plant or the Chemical and Metallurgical Plant.

You guys stay safe and stop polluting the air. Who knows when we will land up with green clouds and pink soil?

Hmm...

I am missing out on amazing opportunity to immortalize my name in
a special edition.

I think I am going to....


Oh...Sod off motherfuckers!!! Kiss my ass!!