It's a jungle out there...

FYI (For your information) ...

2007-08-24T09:57:00.001-07:00

This is my new blog.

http://technicallybored.blogspot.com

And, I closed my first PR today on Bugzilla. Whooohooo!

Bits to bits, bytes to bytes and a little dollop of chocolate sauce...

2007-07-22T01:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah...the chocolate sauce makes no sense.

I am kinda bored of this blog. I am starting a spanking new one.

Will put link here soon.

2007-07-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

I Bow to thee! I really and truly do!
Just check this out!

Scary...

2007-07-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

There is this program on Discovery called 'Colors of India' that is going on. Nilekani and Premji are spouting shit about globalization and blah, the offices look swanky and hell...I am going to be one of those don't-care-a-damn-techie in 7 days from now.

And then there are thousands of folks in our very namma Bangalore who live in absolute squalid conditions.

Fuck...we are a fucking heartless bunch!

God save this country!

Read this!

2007-04-29T08:16:00.001-07:00

I know the readership of this blog is pretty low and non-existent, but yet, I will make a small request to all you people who read this blog. So here goes...

I am attempting to compile a little book of sorts of stuff that people have written. Anything that you have written or read somewhere that other folks would like to read, please send them to me. Everything is good and you are free to be politically incorrect and rude. Just drop me a mail a bluebarnacle[at]gmail[dot]com. If you are from NITK, then all the better - write something about your memories here - no holds barred. 

Take care and play safe.

Subbu.

Namastey London aka Why Katrina Kaif is so hot!

2007-04-07T06:48:00.001-07:00

Ascribe it to the impending double disaster of a very expensive exam and the deadline for presenting my major(ly) (screwed) project or my capricious nature, but I ended up watching a fairly cuppax print of the movie that find a mention in the title. (In case you thought "Why Katrina Kaif is so hot!" is the name of a movie, then I suggest you go get your head examined. That, dear reader, is not something as inane as a title - it is a fact!)

So, I got my bum down to watching the movie. It did take a lot of effort. The last time around  when I was conned into watching a movie, with a fancy title that read 'Just Married'. Now, given the highly lecherous mind that I have, I figured that it would have a lot of...um..well...ahem...you know - steamy stuff that made the camera lens mist over. Sadly, it turned out to be a Bollywood flick that starred Fardeen Khan (who is cho chweeet according to several women acquaintances of mine and who is absolutely revolting according to me) and Esha Deol (who effectively has the face of an IFBB Pro - Ms. Olympia with a body that is bloody bloody hot). The two hours that I spent in the theater just to vasool the sixty bucks the ticket cost was among the worst two hours of my life - second only to the two hours that I spent watching Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. If you are wondering, I slept through the remainder of the movie.

Coming back after that little digression, Namastey London is not really a bad movie. It is plain trash. It is a storyline that we have all seen so many times in setting other than London that it is almost a chance to sit and play a guessing game - predicting what will happen next (it should be, at any rate, more profitable than any guessing related to the ICC World Cup). If you came around looking for something emotionally evocative or addressed a social issue, then you came to the wrong movie. Please walk down to the next screen where they are screening 'Pursuit of Happyness'. Awesome movie, btw!

NRI girl born-and-brought-up in London has trouble adjusting to the fact that her parents are not comfortable with her attitude and multitude of boy-friends. Come to India on a trip and enter home-grown Funjanbi (no kidding! really...) who get hitched to her. She comes back to London and claims that they aren't married under British laws. Proceeds to marry a Brit with the most fantastic name of Charlie Brown. Of course, our Funjabi can't speak the Queen's language and proceeds to save India's glory with a very awesome speech peppered with facts and figures from the latest edition of the Manorama Yearbook. Oh, he also plays rugby and strips Brit arse in the process.

He then walks her down to the altar for the vows with Charlie boy, smiles and turns around and walks away. But, wait...that is not the happy ending that we all were waiting for. Predictably, he turns around yet again, walks back to the altar and in chaste...wait for it...English(!!!!) congratulates the couple and all that. She fumbles her vows and runs after him. Cut back to Funjab (now this, I made up) where they are happily touring the countryside on his khatara motorcycle. Finish.

Painful, but Katrina makes it all bearable. She speaks English with a very very sexy Brit accent and Hindi with an accent that is forgivable because she is so so hot. Akshay Kumar is out of his element and there is just this brief shot that is set way in the future when they are all old where for a moment he exudes the power and charm reminiscent of Nicholas Cage. Other than that Rishi Kapoor is as fat as he can get and owns a Spykar jeans outlet. If you haven't been to London you will get a decent tour of the city minus the names. Just the sights.

All in all avoidable, unless of course it is three in the wee hours of the morning and you are cursing your fate that there are no pretty women in your college.

Today we die in hell!

2007-04-04T23:17:00.000-07:00

It’s a frickin’ battle when you walk in. Accept it or get the fuck out. That is the rule. And that is the only rule. Read Rule 1 again.

Yeah…your balls are against the walls, eh? It pains, eh? What…say that again? Your muscles are on fire? Your head is pounding, eh?

FUCK YOU!!!! PUSH IT…BITCH! PUSH!

One more rep!
Fuck, I love pumping iron!

Wednesday's coming.

2007-02-11T08:31:00.000-08:00

Yes...before you tell me, that was an attempted play on the famous song by Lynrd Skynrd. I can also see you groaning you rear off. But, please do bear with me. Or, beer.

Ok, dude...! I'll stop!

Yet another Valentine's day looms around the corner as Hutch (Vodafone owns it now) tries to get to me to take advantage of their Value-added services(VAS) and send either roses or play a song for my loved one. Tell him/her, (Hutch does not believe in discriminating based on sexual preference) how much I love them.

Thing is that I do not have sufficient balance to take advantage of all these nifty offers. Who wouldn't want to send flowers sitting in boring math class to one's girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/whatever???

Sigh...I am also single. It is a record! 21 consecutive Valentine's day.

/*takes a bow*/

Of terrorism, credits and orange snow.

2007-02-05T05:27:00.000-08:00

I was leafing through the newspaper today afternoon in the company of Tarun and Kiran. There was something about suspected Jaish-e-Mohammed militants being apprehended on the first pages. The jokers that we are, we went on a trip about why these buggers kept getting caught so often.

Now any sane college student who has a fair knowledge of current affairs and is not given to alcohol excesses would have said, "Why...our intelligence agencies are getting better. India shining...India poised!" Don't get me wrong, I love my country and all that, but I am given to being politically incorrect, irreverent and normally insane.

I figured that probably these militant buggers are getting bad at their stuff. They must be short on bakras up there to do terrorism, so the honchos out there in those camps decided to use solid marketing to sell the idea.

I am pretty sure they know what 'Friends' is and they probably fantasize about being on 'Big Brother'. It's like call-me-colored-all-you-want-but-watch-out-for-the-AK47. Which means that capitalism is out there making people spend more and want more. Think about it -

"Bored of the same old routine cruise or ski trip? Want some real action? It's dirt cheap...Jaish-School of Terrorism offers short term three-month courses in sabotage and fanaticism. Hurry limited seats only! Full meals and welcome chai included. We also have a water hole and desert for real-simulation."

Which hot-blooded beer-bellied forty-plus man wouldn't be interested in this? College kids would go crazy about it. Women would be salivating over the thought of getting rid of the guys and hitting all the party-spots in town without the fear of being leeched at.

Now, three months is only so much time. You can learn to run without tripping over, learn to cook up a bomb that fits you, riddle people with bullets and how to hold your piss during crucial missions. Obviously, this is much too less time to learn how to not make yourself conspicuous. It sure must take a lot of effort to keep from wearing the class t-shirt that they give away for free. Or hide the AK-47. I mean, not everyone gets to tot an AK-47 around - at least not if you are not a militant, in the armed forces or Sanjay Dutt. And plus, the referral program is hard to resist - ten-free days during the next holiday. You need to talk to people to get them interested.

The odd-intelligence guy who is traveling by train or bus sitting next to one of these dudes would have heard something and the rest is...well...you know...

In another interesting piece of news, there was apparently orange snowfall in some town in Russia. I am sure the place must look pretty gay by now. Reports said that this was due to the iron content in the snow being four times higher than normal. Authorities have advised people not to touch it or feed it to their animals...!!!! WTF???!!!

And as people are getting out their brightest pink, greens and reds to blend in with the current color scheme, the government is wondering whether it was the Nuclear Power Plant or the Chemical and Metallurgical Plant.

You guys stay safe and stop polluting the air. Who knows when we will land up with green clouds and pink soil?

Hmm...

2007-02-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

I am missing out on amazing opportunity to immortalize my name in
a special edition.

I think I am going to....

Oh...Sod off motherfuckers!!! Kiss my ass!!

About me

2007-01-19T20:27:00.001-08:00

The feeling of laziness that creeps in once I hit college is insanely crazy. Forgive the use of unsuitable adjectives and irrelevant nouns, but as someone said an average person like me have trivial pursuits in life – a monotonous existence that is thrown off track each time the bell rings. It’s pretty much like waking up…actually it IS like waking up considering most of my time is spent sleeping – in class and outside. The rare instants that I am awake are fruitlessly spent in proving my presence in class to the instructor in an attempt to satisfy the academic requirements of an institution that run on a clock that is ten years late.

The most interesting moment of my day is when I brush my teeth. The sight of foaming toothpaste and the noxious purple toothbrush that I own never fails to titillate my senses. There is very little that can shake me out of my constancy. Murders, engagements and proposals involving high profile actors, new movies, cheap movie spoofs with generous helpings of lewd obscenities or, for that matter, unfair trials and punishments. The occasional animator comes along once in a while and says something that makes me seethe and fume at the mouth and then ten seconds later I lapse back in pointless thought about ants and continue to twiddle my thumbs.
The failure and absence of all things romantic is a glaring mark on my otherwise gleaming record that boasts of achievements like eight shots of tequila followed by six of rum and the subsequent passing out. It is a truth that people bring up from time to time, much to my discomfort. Not because it hurts my feelings or anything, it is just that my friends have this nasty habit of speaking it out loud as opposed to just thinking about how they would speak it out loud. Their total disregard for making an effort at reducing noise pollution by staying silent is highly offensive. The effort to listen is tremendous and usually leaves me so fatigued that I have to sleep for the rest of the day.

After, ten long hours of disturbed sleep through the day, it is, indeed, a Herculean task to change and climb into bed for the night. The very act of having to fluff my pillows (they are stuffed with down…in case you were wondering) puts me to sleep due to the sheer exhaustion that it causes.

All this, at this tender age of twenty one is not what many men or women have been able to do. Give me credit. I really thi…..~snore~.

Chain mail. (no...not the ones the knights wore)

2006-12-03T02:36:00.000-08:00

This is a chain mail that originated in Mogadishu, Somalia. It was started by a mercenary who later had luck when food supplies dropped by The USAF landed in his back yard.

This was received by a carpenter in Tijuana and he was blessed with the luck of making the frames for all the local billboards in the town of Nowhere,Wyoming.

A Janitor in Manitoba ignored this mail and then next day all the toilets at the local high school he worked in turned green. He was asked to do the chicken dance by the principal as punishment.

Send this mail to 353 people in the next ten seconds, then run naked around your room twice and then gargle a litre of salt water and you will have good luck with a sore throat.

If you fail to send this then you will suddenly feel the urge to pee and it will so happen that you will wet yourself.

Please do not ignore.

Sounds familiar...? If it does then you probably are on Orkut and have the habit of checking your messages.

It might seem ridiculous, this message, but hey...it could have happened. There are a lot of things in this world that are still unexplained. Primary reason why we have the concept of 'GOD'.

P.S: I started that chain mail. I wrote it at four a.m and mailed it to everyone about a couple of weeks ago. And what goes around comes around. It also goes to show that the average human IQ is slightly below that of a broken tea-cup.

2006-11-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

I have totally given up on titles for my posts. It's easier to use performancing and there are like ten people who read my blog.

The anatomy of an Orkut testimonial

X is an absolute pig and loves to torture echidnas. He forced me to write this at gunpoint so here goes...
X is a really sweet guy, whom I have known for n years. He was helpful and helped me clean up my potty in kindergarten, my vomit in class 3, first year of engineering and at my graduation. He is kind-hearted and loves animals. Not in the wrong sense...he he he.
He is very talented and can play the didgeridoo , the kanjeera and the fool. He..he..he..just kidding. He simply plays the fool.He...he...he kidding again. He got the first rank in class one and has ever since inspired me to improve my copying skills. He was also the best bench monitor and homework leader I ever had.
X, you have been a source of inspiration, constipation and ejaculation ( check all that apply). Hope we remain friends...forever.

Man...X...you should have just pulled the trigger and done yourself and all of us a big favor.

2006-11-12T02:45:00.000-08:00

Bloody Weird

Bloody hell...We are watching 'How I Met Your Mother' and <a href="tarunr.blogspot.com">Ra</a> and this is what happened...

Ra: What would you call yourself if you were a pornstar? (How the fuck can you ask a question like that?)

Me: Jeffery Harder...

Ra: I want to call myself Long Dong Silver...*grin*

Yes...you can laugh now!

2006-11-11T01:56:00.000-08:00

Yet another post aka YAP

Yeah...so I got this nitfty pugin for Firefox called Performancing. Google it....It works all right except that I can't seem to be able to get the title to the post right!

Frickin' weird life I lead. I sat up all of yesterday night trying to get stuff for a project working. And hell!...it wasn't mine. It was for a junior of mine. I cannot remember the last time I put some much rod for a project. And fuck...it's not even a gal. It's a guy. Something like me - but much yo-er and born in the US of A.

Umm...

2006-10-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

Life ain't forever. Face it.

Hope you are having a good time up there. Love you and miss you!

Return to Innocence???

2006-10-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

It’s been a pretty lousy two and a half months in college. The academics aren’t bad, actually, they are good. Apart from that, I have had constant reminders that people are not to be trusted. That the winner always writes the history. That winning is everything. That how you win is inconsequential. That nothing else matters.

That apart, there are these people who remind you sometime that there is still some innocence left in the world after all. This double-X chromosome friend of mine, whom I bumped into the other day, is a prime example of that - most of the times, at least. I might be wrong about the whole thing, but I don’t have too many friends of the opposite sex which I suspect is the result of a cosmic screw up with my DNA. Maybe one day, far in the future, scientist will learn why women hate some men and avoid them when the map my chromosomes.

So, the lady was shooting hoops when I happened to be in the near vicinity. Probably out of social protocol that demands that you greet an acquaintance made her say, “Hi…” She then went of to describe the sand dunes back at home. “It’s like the sea…waves you know…”, she said and then proceed to mime waves with her hands. She whistled and her hand was the Boeing-747 on which she flew back home, when I asked her when she was flying back.

Hell…why can’t I once again be that little boy whose biggest worry in life was whether he would get the window seat on the school bus the next day. He worried all night and then when he woke up the next day with a master plan, he realized that it was a Sunday. And, then he went out and played in the mud and tossed his precious tennis ball around.

Update...

2006-09-26T23:59:00.000-07:00

I finally got a connection to the Internet and, of course, the World Wide Web from my room. I guess I will be posting a tad more frequently. Kasht ke like maafi chahatha hoon...

2006-09-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday figures in the top ten of the worst days of my life. I got two rejects from jobs that I really wanted. Then I asked this really sweet girl out for dinner and guess what...I GOT REJECTED.

I am currently waiting for my body to start rejecting my internal organs one by one.

Please do leave a white lilly on my grave.

PS: I have a job but I dunno if it will be interesting. And if you work on random number generators or know someone who does please let me know. I need some help. Drop me a mail at bluebarnacle[at]gmail.com

Yeeeeeeeeeeeha!

2006-07-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

1000. I love you all!

I make people uncomfotable...

2006-07-10T02:09:00.000-07:00

Sigh…! I make women uncomfortable, and something tells me that this is just half the story. And for once, I don’t want to hear the rest of it.

Apparently, women don’t like it when people can talk about sex without ahem-ing and err-ing. So, what is the big deal anyway, eh? Face it…someday you will realize that you want to have kids and I am pretty sure that you know storks don’t bring home little babies. And, if God had wanted to make sex a bad thing then he wouldn’t have made it so enjoyable.

But maybe I am wrong…sex is over rated.

I wish I could make people disappear.

So...

2006-07-07T05:32:00.000-07:00

This is an attempt at writing after a really really long time. The last few did not manage to even hit double - digits in terms of the number of lines or for that matter, manage to get off the mark in making sense.

After, trying to evade writing code for the project that I am doing I figured out that there was no way out. The only way I was going to be even a shred closer to coming up with something new, or even learn something was by getting my hands dirty. The funny thing is that it wasn’t all that bad when I got down to doing it – yes – it took me three failed attempts before I came up with a working program. There were a lot of things that I learned in course of the attempt – including things that I thought were pointless in college partially because they seemed hard to understand or were taught by useless teachers.

There is something that we all forget when we step into college. It’s probably the euphoria that is result of cracking an all-India examination, doing maybe passably well enough to get a seat in a college of national repute. Agreed that the teaching in colleges in India leaves much to be desired, but there is some little good in it surely. I am not trying to defend bad teaching, all I am saying is that maybe we should try to listen a little more in class – even if the teacher is a sadistic bitch, a BSc flunker or a wig-wearing sex-deprived fascist.

Somewhere in that mess that they dole out is a sliver of useful information that is useful. Ask me. KC talked all about how he asked his wife for her opinion while buying shirts but in the end still picked up the nasty yellow one with lime-green polka dots. Somewhere in the middle of all that he happened to mention what a trie was. Turns out that this thing is a very good way of storing lexically ordered stuff. My entire code hinges on the fact that searching in tries takes linear time when implemented with linked lists. Icing…a generous 5000 buck stipend for two whole months. And tax-free.

And, before all you bigshots doing bigshot internships say something – my guide said he would be more than happy to give me a reference.

Bah...!

2006-07-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

The Germans are rough lot. The Italians are the biggest fakers. At least, Totti's wife is a pornstar!

Yipee...

2006-07-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

Portugal won!!!What a team, what a game!!!

Damn...!

2006-06-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

Argentina, so f***ing deserved to win! Dammit...now Klinsman get to wave his ass around.

Damn!!!